Normally when I blog, I try to catch up on what has happened since I last wrote - it's a bit too much (literally and emotionally) to rehash and in which to delve. So, I'll start with a whole new topic which is near and dear to my heart... friendship.
I feel as though in adulthood I have different compartments of friends. I have my neighborhood friends, my bunko friends, my PTA friends, my friends by associate (through my son or husband), pool friends, my high school (and some elementary school) friends - and sometimes they even overlap and mingle. It's always a bit strange when I see someone who is a mutual friend on facebook when I had no idea the two would have any connection. Some of these I consider friends, some I consider great friends, and I can't peg into words the distinction - It's a feeling that I have when I'm with them or talking to them but more importantly how I feel when I'm reflecting on the time we shared. I'm a mom, so obviously I don't have the time to sit and ponder after each interaction I have and think 'are they a great friend??' - I wish I had that kind of time or energy in excess but I guess my point is that this reflection is generally involuntary. I either leave time spent feeling better having spent time with certain people or frustrated that I always feel a little pulled down after a visit. At this point in my life, I have tend to filter through the people that don't make me feel 'better' (laughing, listening, being listened to). There are obviously people in my life that I have no choice but to interact with (might make me cringe beforehand) but that wouldn't fall under this topic of discussion b/c I certainly don't consider them my friends.
At this point in my life, that it was more the people who 'make the cut' - not acquaintances and not the people who have just been in our lives for a long time but those who make us feel needed or cared for in return or make us feel like we aren't alone in our feelings of excitement or our most devastated. I'd like to think it was easier when I was in school to make friends but that was probably the most difficult of all - the friends that I have clung to from school are really friends I've had since elementary school, not really the ones I made in high school (although there are some of those around too :). In school I wasn't fully myself - they got to know a me that I put out there; that I wanted them to think was me. Now I see the difficulty of it - genuine friendship - open wounds, gratitude, pride, warts and all... it's not common and the word is thrown around often.. There has to be a certain vulnerability to building a friendship and even that 'uh-oh' moment when you wonder... 'did I say too much' - which I have a lot!! In my opinion friendship is having those moments but knowing in your heart that your friend is giving you the benefit of the doubt and knows you would never intentionally hurt or offend them.
Here's to all of the people who are good friends out there... may we continue to reveal our warts and celebrate each bump!
