"There are those who would like to see themselves as philanthropists. Philanthropists often are represented by committees and delegations. They are disconnected from recipients of their generosity. I am not a member of that gathering. Rather I like to think of myself as charitable. The charitable say in effect, 'I seem to have more than I need and you seem to have less than you need. I would like to share my excess with you.' Fine, if my excess is tangible, money or goods, fine if not, for I learned that to be charitable with gestures and words can bring enormous joy and repair injured feelings."
This loops me back to the extra cash flow and why my mother and I will never have it by the piles. We don't let people take advantage of us financially (okay - maybe we've both gotten suckered by generosity toward a few wolves in sheep's clothing) but when we are able to be 'charitable' and really give of ourselves; heart, time, house... we are never happier. She is shrewd about bartering, the self proclaimed barter queen or queen of the beggars when someone has something that she can parlay into a helping hand toward a charity or group she is helping. Her sister, my Tia, exerts a groan every time my mother asks her for something. Not because she doesn't want to do for her sister but because she knows 100% of the time she is asking for someone else. "Do you have extra furniture you aren't using" for that young couple she knows who just got married and can't afford furniture. "Can you knit me a new blanket" for a expectant mother who might not be able to afford a blanket. My favorite is when anyone is at her house that she feels like doesn't have a lot of groceries, she will take a grocery bag around her fridge, freezer, cabinets, and pantry and load up the bags because "She has been meaning to clean out her food - can you use any of it? I'd hate to have to throw it out." My mother spent a big chunk of her life being the recipient of charity that was sometimes given in the same way she is giving it now and sometimes given with big strings and shame attached. Mom passed on to me and my sisters to never insult someone by making them feel less than you when you giving to them; either do for them or don't - don't hold it over them. Money is a means to necessity for her, not a sign of importance or character. Never base your worth on income or material things she would instill - as much as I've fought this line of thinking over the years, I'm now right there with her. Much like my mom, we've had a fluctuating income in our home but one thing has sustained - materialistically there will always be something bigger and better that we "need." What my mother and Ms. Angelou have made me understand is that the only thing to keep you consistently fulfilled is focusing on a different bank account through actions as well as behaviors.
My mother often refers to her "emotional bank account." This is where the accountant in her is revealed. She is very aware of those folks in her life (friends and family) that make more withdrawals than deposits. We often disagree about her expectations of others around her. Even though I don't always agree - I get it. My mother does not believe that these two columns should be even - she believes you should give more than you get. She would be insulted if someone tried to buy her things (believe me - I've tried) - instead she wants those emotional deposits in return - even that she gets uncomfortable with if you have done her too many favors without giving her the opportunity to make you a meal or give you a haircut.
