Random Hearts

A favorite... the shadow on my apple stem

My friends and family know that I started to notice hearts everywhere I go a little over a year ago.  At first it was random - hence the name "Random Hearts" or "RH."  Not an exact shape of a heart but something in nature or that isn't supposed to be heart shaped, but there it is.  I know there is now a famous book that highlights similar findings by Drew Barrymore but it's not quite the same.  I don't notice things that people make into hearts or the things that are supposed to be heart shaped - not as much anyway. The greatest are the most random and when I'm least expecting it. Over the last several months, however, it went from every few months to seeing them EVERYWHERE! Probably five to ten times a day.  In the dirt, in cocoa, on a wood grain, in a garden, in the sky, in the sink... you get the picture.  I also love that now I have several close folks who think of me when they see a "RH" and send me pics... especially my little 6 year old niece who sees them everywhere too (LOVE!)...

I know a lot of folks don't believe in signs, but I do.  If you don't, feel free to browse the pics or skip to another post.

The bean in my tortilla soup

I've recently experienced some bumpy roads and I don't think it's coincidence that I see hearts more and more; especially when I need to see them most.  To me, I take it as a sign that my guardian angel, my Nana, wants me to know I'm not alone.  My philosophy is, if I'm wrong - who does it hurt??  An example of some heart sightings was while having an emotional lunch with my mother, through my tears (not invoked by my mom BTW) I saw seven hearts at the table over the course of the meal.  Totally random from a bean in my soup to some cilantro on a dipped chip... I know it sounds crazy but I wasn't looking for them - they just stuck out to me.

My mossy bark

One afternoon I was substitute teaching in a fifth grade class and there were some boys that were kind of a tough bunch to crack. On the playground, I noticed them kind of wandering around in a pack.  I asked if they wanted to go on a treasure hunt - obviously, they loved it!  I posed the challenge to find hearts in nature - they were pretty creative.  My very favorite was this mossy piece of bark that one of the boys found on the track.  The only problem came when they realized they didn't get a prize for 'best heart.'  They forgave me anyway :)
*Challenge - take a deep breathe and look around sometimes, you never know what you may notice out there.. Note that there is no prize offered in this challenge

Virgin in the City

Okay - so maybe I'm channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw a little too much on the title - maybe I should say "Virgin TO the City."  I recently went to the Big Apple for the first time after years of talking about it and planning and cancelling - my husband and I finally made it happen.  Here are the top 5 things (in no particular order) I learned about myself and NYC during this maiden voyage...


1 ~ Taking the train in and out of the city has to be the easiest way of travel.  Although NYC has never been my final destination of travel, I have flown in and out of the three major airports that share air space (Newark, Laguardia, and JFK) on numerous occasions and they never seem to be easy in and out.  The train has power outlets (sometimes up to 4 per seat) and free Wifi on board.  Not to mention the dining car and several bathrooms per car.  The dining car is limited and pricey, but it's an option and the bathrooms are not huge but bigger than an airplane's with less turbulence :)  Driving into the city yourself seems to be the least appealing in regard to parking, traffic, and time.

Me w/ my new Broadway crush -
Newsies star, Corey Cott 

2 ~ I think New Yorkers get a bit of a bad wrap for being rude.  It wasn't the folks in the stores, restaurants, or in the train stations that annoyed me - it was my fellow tourists!  Having gone to college in a city (certainly a fraction of the size of NYC) and traveled to DC often enough, I come prepared with a firm gate when in a crowd. I don't walk into people, but I also don't just move to the side excusing myself in city foot traffic.  My fellow tourists seemed to not only have no sense of urgency when it came to moving out of the way when they stopped to look at maps or take pictures but took up the whole sidewalk when traveling in packs.  Folks would literally nudge me out of the way if they were trying to take a picture in front of something and I stubbornly did not budge unless someone said 'excuse me' to me.  Just a personal pet peeve of mine (but I digress).  When we saw the Broadway production, "Newsies" (amazing BTDubs), the entire cast came out to sign playbills - they couldn't have been nicer stopping to answer questions and take pictures even though they had to have been exhausted!

3 ~ Do your research on the segmented parts of the city for site seeing to save time and money.  We purposefully picked a hotel that was within walking distance from several of our desired site seeing points. We were within blocks of the train station, the theater district, Times Square, Central Park, Rockefeller Center, St. Patrick's Cathedral, The Empire State Building, 5th Avenue shopping... I'm sure there were lots of other things that we didn't look into - but these were some of our biggies.  It not only saved us money by not having to take a cab, but it also helped us see things we didn't intend to see while traveling on foot.  The only time we had to take a cab was the 9/11 Memorial as it was several miles away.  We knew ahead of time this was the case but it was a must see for us.  Taking the cab that one time made us grateful for our walking plans $$.

Enjoying a cocktail at "The OUT NYC"

4 ~ In the same light - do your research on what's important to you in a hotel.  I know some folks can travel and don't care about the hotel as long as they have a place to sleep - not me.  This was a biggie that I felt the most strongly toward.  I wanted to find a place that was reasonable, close to destinations, clean, and had good reviews from other travelers. There were lots of hotels that were some of my requirements but not all. I found a hotel that was relatively new and still trying to build it's clientele Midtown West (bordering on Hell's Kitchen).  The OUT NYC was where we landed and upon check in realized it was a "straight friendly" resort.  Meaning, it welcomed straight families but was a hub for the gay community in luxury travel.  It made me love it even more, but I understand it wouldn't have been that way for everyone.  Sidenote - everyone on staff was gorgeous!!  Never did we feel out of place or frowned upon; only welcomed in the hotel and bar therein.

9/11 Memorial Fountains - North Pool

5 ~ Try to experience things you couldn't at home.  We made an exception to this with Starbucks tea and lunch the first day.  Fresh off of the train and getting turned around toward our hotel - we had to pick the first restaurant we recognized (which was a chain).  Other than that - when we passed the Shake Shack, or Crumble Bakery, or a pizza stand - we stopped.  I would say our favorite restaurant was a toss up between the most amazing burgers at Joe's Bar (near the 9/11 memorial) and Chez Josephine in the Theater District. Chez Josephine is owned by Jean-Claude Baker who was adopted by Josephine Baker as a young teen in Paris (who incidentally greeted us and walked us to the door upon leaving).  The food and atmosphere were perfect from the memorabilia of Ms. Baker to the piano player to the Broadway veteran seated beside us!

This was just our experience and a three day experience at that, but it may help when planning a trip to the city if you've never been.  I hope to go back with my son next...

Loved this - outside of St. Patrick's Cathedral
which was one of my favorite spots

Bank Accounts

I have come to the conclusion that I will never be wealthy.  I have given this a lot of thought and I think that I am very similar to my mother in this regard (and many others).  When I was younger, I used to think that my mom didn't have extra money because she was a single mom for so long.  Then I got a little older and thought she didn't have a lot of extra money because she wasn't great with money.  Now at this point in my life, I see it a little differently.  My mother doesn't have a lot of extra money because that isn't important to her.  She works very hard and always has - at different stages in her work life her salary has fluctuated but a large bank account never was and never will be priority for her.  Financial security is a great thing but when she has extra money, nothing makes her happier than giving to those around her.  It's not about amazing vacations, new houses or luxury cars for my mother; it's about being THAT person in people's lives that they can lean on in times of need.  I recently purchased one of Maya Angelou's newest books, "Letter to my Daughter," in which she gives her open and honest life advice to a metaphorical daughter symbolic of her reading public. A passage struck me and reminded me deeply of my mother (and inspired this post).  This passage is from the chapter entitled, "Philanthropy:"

"There are those who would like to see themselves as philanthropists.  Philanthropists often are represented by committees and delegations.  They are disconnected from recipients of their generosity.  I am not a member of that gathering.  Rather I like to think of myself as charitable.  The charitable say in effect, 'I seem to have more than I need and you seem to have less than you need.  I would like to share my excess with you.'  Fine, if my excess is tangible, money or goods, fine if not, for I learned that to be charitable with gestures and words can bring enormous joy and repair injured feelings."

This loops me back to the extra cash flow and why my mother and I will never have it by the piles.  We don't let people take advantage of us financially (okay - maybe we've both gotten suckered by generosity toward a few wolves in sheep's clothing) but when we are able to be 'charitable' and really give of ourselves; heart, time, house... we are never happier.  She is shrewd about bartering, the self proclaimed barter queen or queen of the beggars  when someone has something that she can parlay into a helping hand toward a charity or group she is helping.  Her sister, my Tia, exerts a groan every time my mother asks her for something.  Not because she doesn't want to do for her sister but because she knows 100% of the time she is asking for someone else.  "Do you have extra furniture you aren't using" for that young couple she knows who just got married and can't afford furniture.  "Can you knit me a new blanket" for a expectant mother who might not be able to afford a blanket.  My favorite is when anyone is at her house that she feels like doesn't have a lot of groceries, she will take a grocery bag around her fridge, freezer, cabinets, and pantry and load up the bags because "She has been meaning to clean out her food - can you use any of it?  I'd hate to have to throw it out."  My mother spent a big chunk of her life being the recipient of charity that was sometimes given in the same way she is giving it now and sometimes given with big strings and shame attached.  Mom passed on to me and my sisters to never insult someone by making them feel less than you when you giving to them; either do for them or don't - don't hold it over them.  Money is a means to necessity for her, not a sign of importance or character.  Never base your worth on income or material things she would instill - as much as I've fought this line of thinking over the years, I'm now right there with her.  Much like my mom, we've had a fluctuating income in our home but one thing has sustained - materialistically there will always be something bigger and better that we "need."  What my mother and Ms. Angelou have made me understand is that the only thing to keep you consistently fulfilled is focusing on a different bank account through actions as well as behaviors.  

My mother often refers to her "emotional bank account."  This is where the accountant in her is revealed.  She is very aware of those folks in her life (friends and family) that make more withdrawals than deposits.  We often disagree about her expectations of others around her.  Even though I don't always agree - I get it.    My mother does not believe that these two columns should be even - she believes you should give more than you get.  She would be insulted if someone tried to buy her things (believe me - I've tried) - instead she wants those emotional deposits in return - even that she gets uncomfortable with if you have done her too many favors without giving her the opportunity to make you a meal or give you a haircut.  

I can't always make those deposits, but hopefully this passage will give me a little bit of a nest egg in her emotional bank account.  Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  I love you and thanks for teaching me to be the change I'd like to see in the world ~ xoxo

One Size Does NOT Fit All...

Okay - this entry isn't what you may expect.  It's about friendship.  Friends are like shoes (stay with me)... one style doesn't fit with every outfit.  When I go shopping for shoes (dress, athletic, casual), I tend to see what is the most universal.  The tennis shoes have to match everything and the dress shoes have to be black, navy, or brown.  What I've come to realize within the past couple of years is that I have my black casual shoes - it's okay to buy a pair that I may wear just once in a while.  Recently, I've had the same revelation about friendships.


When I was younger (even a few years ago), I didn't think I had a real friendship if a friend didn't fit that 'everything' mold.  If I couldn't tell them everything or if they didn't share the same opinions as me, it must be a bust.  I heard of other people's friendships and couldn't wrap my brain around these lasting friendships that I just didn't seem to have.  I recently saw the light (cue harp music and a spotlight on me from the heavens!) regarding adult friendships.

A good friend isn't someone who is your everything - they shouldn't be and it's unrealistic to expect it.  You can have your core friends (your comfy browns, navys, and black slip ons) but you can also have your friends that are on the perimeter for fun (your pink paisley wedges).  My favorites are the ones that you come across every once in a while and forget that you had them until you see them and realize how great they make you feel (your boots from college you can't seem to part with) - and they'll never be out of your rotation. Most of us even have those friends that we look back and claim temporary insanity (those would be the platform tennis shoes that light up!).  Some of my friends I can talk about elementary-high school, some to discuss books, some college, some old co-workers, some couple friends, some 'mom' friends, some PTA friends, some WW friends - each of them were brought into my life for different reasons (some small reasons and some life changing reasons) but all to teach something more about myself.


I'm very fortunate to have a closet full ... I mean a heart full of friends.  Although some of my friends have come out of the closet - but I digress.  Once I opened myself up to not putting my expectations at the unrealistic level, I realized I am surrounded by some great friends who are pretty amazing in their respective strengths.

A thank you note to my mother-in-law

When someone passes away, I think it's only natural to
wonder what words went unsaid or what feelings went unexpressed.  My mother in law, Lynda, passed away suddenly and I feel fortunate to not have that wonder.  A few summers ago, she and I spent a great deal of time together one on one.  It was an unexpected closeness I felt for this woman I hadn't really gotten to know - I learned so much about her, her views, her family history. It was during this time that she was recovering from a broken ankle and trying to move past some dizzy spells so she was in a very vulnerable position.  During one of our visits in her apartment, I thanked her.  She looked at me with surprise and curiosity.  I told her I appreciated the husband she'd given me.  I told her that I appreciated her teaching her son to treat his wife with respect.  I thanked her for teaching him responsibility and determination.  I told her that I'm grateful that he was raised by a single mom because he learned things organically that you can't make up - he learned to do laundry, he learned to do dishes (without a dishwasher), he worked through high school and college, he learned to cook.  I'm not saying my husband doesn't give me enough material to fill a suggestion box, but I'm focusing on that for which I am thankful!  I'm glad I told her these things when I was thinking them because I could tell the words meant a lot to her.  I hope I'm raising my son to one day be a good husband and father also.  If he decides to be neither, I'll settle for a kind human being.

Rest in peace Lynda, you've certainly earned it.  I send you much love and gratitude.

To Creep or Not to Creep...

My first job was teaching cheering part time at a summer camp.  My sister got me the job within the daycare/preschool she had already worked with for several years prior.  Every summer, she handled the summer camp that was on location offsite.  It was a great job and at sixteen, I got attached very quickly with the majority of the kids in attendance.  I say the majority because some were there full time and some weren't.  I stayed on subsequent summers helping with the camp in cheering and counseling capacities and this led into me working at the main center on the weekends and holidays.  Once I graduated from high school, I worked there part time through college and eventually became the camp coordinator myself as well as teaching a few classrooms of my own.  My point in this ramble down memory lane is that over the course of some pretty formative years of my own (high school, college, engagement, and marrying my hubby) I grew to know hundreds of kids both at a distance and pretty well.  I worked at the center for seven years all told and during this time I saw these kids as more than just a job.  I would venture to say that I'm not alone among other teachers or care providers in getting attached to the kids for which you give care.  You are with these children from early morning until sometimes dinner and beyond.  If you were like me (and my sister), you socialized with these families - you babysat for them for weeks at a time when their parents traveled - you knew how to console them or what they were sensitive about.  It was always a little weird for me when I would run into families that didn't remember my name (obviously not the ones I babysat for) but I knew their child so well and the child knew me.  I would always throw them a bone by re-introducing myself all the while being totally offended that these people entrusted me with their child for 40+ hours a week but couldn't bother to learn my name.
Which leads me to the topic/question at hand... To Creep or Not to Creep??  That is the question.  With modern times and Facebook connections, It's so hard not to friend the kids that I used to spend so much time with.  I love knowing how they are, where they are (or have gone) to college, if they are married or have kids (yes it was that long ago!).  For the most part they don't remember me - some do if I babysat them a lot - and I wouldn't weird them out by "friending" them.  There have been a couple that I have done that with but that's if they are already friends with a niece or nephew or if my sister has gone out on that limb first :).  I'd love to hear from other teachers/child care providers that have run into the same dilemma... how do you just let go of the wonder?

Hi... My name is Stephanie M. and I'm an...

Addict!  I have such an addictive personality - I admit it.  I come by it honestly as it's genetic.  I get addicted to cleaning (yes, cleaning); I'm an addictive eater; I'm an addictive writer; I'm an addictive reader; I even exercise compulsively!  It's a crazy thing to say this is an issue when it's not drugs or alcohol (even though compulsive overeating ain't no joke but I digress).  But it is an issue.  I never really do things in small doses.  I have to fight my inner impulses to overdo and it's a total struggle!  When I help someone with a project - I want to take over and do it myself.  When I help my son with a costume for Halloween - it kills me to tone it down because he has no need to be the best.  When I clean my house - it's so annoying that I can't keep it clean or get it cleaner.  When I volunteer for something, I have to fight back the need to to volunteer for everything!
To those of you who know me, you most likely know my mom.  She is the person that you want on your picket line or committee and especially in your corner.  She does not do anything in moderation and it's why so many people in her life turn to her when they need something done right.  That being said - she's an addict too (sorry Mom :).  When she likes a pair of shoes, she buys it in five colors.  When she likes a bag, she gets every pattern made.  When she helps with an event, she ends up chairing it.  When she likes a recipe, she makes it for everyone she knows.  I'll write about how this has helped both of us another time but for right now - there's a point...

My son loves to read also... heaven help him - he gets addiction from both gene pools

The point is that I have added a new addiction to my long list - Books!  My husband is the culprit.  He is such an avid reader but reads so much faster than I do - he comes home with a stack of books from the library each time he goes.  It used to annoy me that he could just plow through them so quickly but then I decided if I couldn't beat him, join him.  Remember what I said about nothing in moderation - you see where this is going.  The ladies in my book club aren't much help either.  They are amazingly well read ladies who make recommendations all the time and I have to stop the madness!!  I subscribed to Goodreads.com (which I totally recommend) and have been adding to my list of "to read" non-stop.  Between my goodreads app, my local library app (where I can put books on hold instantly), and my kindle - the flames of addiction are growing!  During a book club meeting a few months ago, I did have the strength to say "no" when the hostess offered me a book to take home that she recommended - I admitted to her that I was a book addict and I had to draw the line - the first step is acknowledging there is a problem so I think I'm on the right track.