It's not you, it's me...

I've thought for a long time that friendships are like romantic relationships in a lot of ways - only harder. You invest time and emotional deposits into a relationship with a friend who may or may not pan out for the long haul. The reason friendships can be more difficult is that you can't break up with a friend - there aren't conversations about you just not being compatible... it's not you it's me. It's also harder because you can't just be a friend who plays the "friend field." When you run into a friend and you are with another friend - it's awkward; let's be honest. The whole - 'why didn't she invite me for coffee,' or 'we went here for lunch last week together' is so hilarious to me. Are you truly expected to call every single friend you have every time you want to do something? I'm not even touching on the disconcerting nature of families doing something together and running into a third family while doing so - are we expected to get a table for 25 every time my family wants to do something with another family? At least when you have a romantic partner (boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife - whatever) - you don't feel bad when you run into someone when you are on a lunch date with them or having coffee or shopping.

The funny thing is that men don't have that problem - my husband has different degrees of friends - almost seasonal friends if you will. Friends that he talks to much more during certain sport seasons. Most men could care less if one of their buddies includes someone else and not them on activities. If they do, 9 times out of 10 it's because the woman in their life pushed them into being bothered by it (which they probably still aren't bothered but say they are to get the woman off of their back). Women who try to arrange their husband/boyfriend's social life is very annoying - ex: 'Oh -so and so is just going to be hanging around the house on Saturday, why don't you have Bob call him to do something.' Ugghh ... that's a whole other topic all together.

My trouble is that I give way too much personal info too quickly when I'm building friendships - this gives leverage in the friend transition stage. I end up trying to prove that I can open up and in doing so go way overboard in that department. Let's just cut each other some slack... like I always say about my son - there are much worse things in life than having too many people enjoy your company. Put yourself in other people's shoes when it comes to friendships - don't act like the stalker friend who spies to see who went where with whom and when... I've seen it done - trust me; it's not pretty.

Here's to friends who pan out - you know who you are