Back to School...

Every year about this time I have rejuvenated energy toward writing (uninterrupted) while my son is in school. I start with my list of ideas and searching through the newest trade secret book of what publishers are looking for what... this year I'm struggling! I have been extremely inspired by books I've read over the summer and writers I follow but I'm a little defeated at this point - I think I have the opposite of writer's block - I've got writer's flood! Sooner or later I will inevitably sit down at my computer and pound out some words - hopefully inspiring to someone along the way - and all will be right with the world - until then - I'll settle on a paragraph in my blog every once in a blue moon - ugghh!!

Words...

I know I've written about this before - if not in the blogging platform, for an essay for sure... the view from this podium is familiar. I get very passionate on the topic of (and power of) words and yesterday the spark was ignited within me when I spoke with a group of young students (middle and high school age) on the subject. This mini-workshop within a 6 week multicultural camp was creative writing - topic: All About Me - it was supposed to be presented to the group but I decided (in sizing up my 'audience' upon introduction) to make it more of a journal type entry where they didn't worry about grammar or context or sentence structure or (most importantly) revealing a side of themselves they didn't feel comfortable revealing. At first, the young men and women had little to no interest in the idea of writing - the empty enormity of the white paper in front of them was daunting and intimidating. Before writing on their own, I started with my chat on words and the power of writing - I asked for them to throw out any writers they knew - summer reading lists in full bloom! I began to compile my list on an overhead screen including Nicholas Sparks, Dr. Suess, Emily Bronte, JK Rowling, Mark Twain - I threw my own name on the list and atleast half didn't recognize the name even though I was presenting(ouch!). I then continued their list when they became silent - Michael Jackson, Kanye West, Eminem, Paul McCartney, Taylor Swift, Jay-Z... I wanted to let them know writing comes out in all sorts of genres. I began to read off lyrics from several top 40 songs and we discussed what they meant - because of the difference in ages, it was difficult to really get too deep in discussion, but it was just a little taste for what I love to discuss... the meaning of the written word.
Although only a few of the students were familiar with a lot of Eminem's work - they were familiar with Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney (moreso the Beatles on the whole) and Taylor Swift. The passion behind what these songwriters have written (b/c of either feelings in their personal life experiences or their stance on political and world issues) is palpable. The anger, the frustration, the hope, the struggle... I referred back to a song I did pick apart in college - Boys 2 Men's 'Thank You' - they were actually familiar with it, surprisingly enough, and enjoyed talking about the possibilities of who the writers may have been 'thanking.'
My main purpose was to get them thinking about words - reading isn't always fun or easy - for those of us slow readers, it becomes quite a task and loses some pleasure - definitely if it's a book you HAVE to read! But if you think about what a writer (song, story, poem, movie...) might have been trying to express, it can make it a little more fun for a teenage (reluctant) reader. I did tell them that hopefully they have the kind of english teacher who encourages them to find their own meaning in stories or poems - I felt like a little bit of a trader to teachers since my bills are paid by a teacher... was that wrong!? I did get feedback from a mom of one of the boys that he did really enjoy the workshop even though he doesn't like to write... which was a welcome surprise after another boy took out a snack and started to walk around the classroom during our chat.
I am going back next week and the topic will be 'Cultural Pride.' Should be pretty cool and interesting - oooohh, what a great opportunity for my 'words are powerful' speech - too much?

Friendship in the Land of Adults...

Normally when I blog, I try to catch up on what has happened since I last wrote - it's a bit too much (literally and emotionally) to rehash and in which to delve. So, I'll start with a whole new topic which is near and dear to my heart... friendship.

I feel as though in adulthood I have different compartments of friends. I have my neighborhood friends, my bunko friends, my PTA friends, my friends by associate (through my son or husband), pool friends, my high school (and some elementary school) friends - and sometimes they even overlap and mingle. It's always a bit strange when I see someone who is a mutual friend on facebook when I had no idea the two would have any connection. Some of these I consider friends, some I consider great friends, and I can't peg into words the distinction - It's a feeling that I have when I'm with them or talking to them but more importantly how I feel when I'm reflecting on the time we shared. I'm a mom, so obviously I don't have the time to sit and ponder after each interaction I have and think 'are they a great friend??' - I wish I had that kind of time or energy in excess but I guess my point is that this reflection is generally involuntary. I either leave time spent feeling better having spent time with certain people or frustrated that I always feel a little pulled down after a visit. At this point in my life, I have tend to filter through the people that don't make me feel 'better' (laughing, listening, being listened to). There are obviously people in my life that I have no choice but to interact with (might make me cringe beforehand) but that wouldn't fall under this topic of discussion b/c I certainly don't consider them my friends.

At this point in my life, that it was more the people who 'make the cut' - not acquaintances and not the people who have just been in our lives for a long time but those who make us feel needed or cared for in return or make us feel like we aren't alone in our feelings of excitement or our most devastated. I'd like to think it was easier when I was in school to make friends but that was probably the most difficult of all - the friends that I have clung to from school are really friends I've had since elementary school, not really the ones I made in high school (although there are some of those around too :). In school I wasn't fully myself - they got to know a me that I put out there; that I wanted them to think was me. Now I see the difficulty of it - genuine friendship - open wounds, gratitude, pride, warts and all... it's not common and the word is thrown around often.. There has to be a certain vulnerability to building a friendship and even that 'uh-oh' moment when you wonder... 'did I say too much' - which I have a lot!! In my opinion friendship is having those moments but knowing in your heart that your friend is giving you the benefit of the doubt and knows you would never intentionally hurt or offend them.

Here's to all of the people who are good friends out there... may we continue to reveal our warts and celebrate each bump!

The Help

I just finished NYT #1 Bestseller, "the Help" by Kathryn Stockett for a book club - I don't think I would have ever thought twice about it other wise as I don't follow the bestsellers, just recommendations. This book was so thought provoking and as real as fiction gets... I finished it three days ago and am still craving more! The basic premise follows three different narrative points of view. All three are female and the time is early 1960's in Jackson, Mississippi. Two maids (one older by twenty years than the other) and one early twenties plantation owner's daughter straight out of college. I can very much relate to one of the characters because of her struggle to fit in herself while trying to point out the social injustices for others - while ostracizing herself more. Segregation and class separation were a huge main character of this story - the class separation more of an underlying theme. It's amazing to me how frustrated I was getting as I read more and more b/c I don't know how many people will stop and realize just how recent all of that was - how fresh. I wanted to shake one of the characters (Hilly) b/c of how much she needed to drag others down - and it wasn't just the ones who were 'colored' (as she pointed out often) but also the ones who she deemed beneath her, by class, family, or color. It wasn't enough for her to dislike certain people in town (and in the state for that matter), it was her civic duty to spread her opinion as gospel like a wildfire in July! This story takes place in my mother's early teens - that is where it hits home for me... and my mom is pretty young (hasn't even hit her sixties yet). As I said, it was fiction but anyone who reads it sees the factual events intermingled throughout to keep it brilliantly real.

I guess when I think about what makes me unnerved by the whole thing (story and theme) is the fact that although the law isn't technically behind this kind of thought process any longer, there is still so much negativity based on class and color. It used to confuse me and I couldn't relate to these thoughts in any way - mainly b/c we were constantly around people of different races and classes growing up because of my mothers various friendships, coworkers, and volunteer opportunities. Now, although I still can't agree with the opinions, I do see in people the ingrained beliefs with which they were raised - they truly believe these things in their bones (just as much as I disagree). In 'The Help,' there were lots of women and men who were simply a product of their time and grooming. In college I took an African American Literature class my junior year. Within the first two days of class, I sat and stewed over things my professor was saying about race and race relations because I thought she was generalizing and lumping me into a category within which I did not belong. It was only after I decided to sit and truly listen to the discussions without judgement (that and it was too late to get into another class to satisfy my lit requirement!) - I began to love this class, not just tolerate it. To this day, I don't think anything has made me think so much about the freshness, cruelty, and brutality of the happenings in the south in the 20th century. It's not just before the civil rights movement unfortunately. The civil rights movement did wonders for making the actual laws change but a lot of thoughts are still the same. The book led me to look up Jim Crowe laws on my own and see what they were really about - meaning the laws that were devised to keep underground laws going without going through the actual lawmaking process. Some of these laws had people beaten and sometimes killed for using the wrong bathroom or water fountain (really) or have someone arrested or brutalized for talking to someone in public who was not the same color as you - talking! I'm not trying to preach my opinion (although it seems like it) - I'm just hoping to get people thinking a little bit - I consider myself to be open to discussions (not barking your opinion at me only) but this book and the time lines got me putting some things together. At the end of the day, it's not about opinions - it's about civil liberties. What people are 'allowed' to do and say - whether or not you agree with someone, who they are, are married to, or where they live - do they deserve any less civil liberties as any other American? It's these same people who wave their American flags or wear their American flag lapel pin who are sometimes the most specific on what makes an 'American'...

Hmmmm - this started out as my take on a book - I should've known better... at least I held back a lot of what I wanted to say about the topic... baby steps! Go read 'The Help'- the 444 pages seem a little daunting at first, but as a slow reader, I can say how quickly you'll go through it...

Dreaming in Color

Wow - I have never taken any dreams seriously - sometimes look for hidden messages, as I was raised in an ultra superstitious family - but that's about it. This morning was different - I felt this dream and was living amongst it - I put myself behind the eyes of this dreamviewer and it was really inspiring. I once saw an interview with Twilight author, Stephenie Meyer and she said that the start of the saga came to her in a dream - the meadow scene from the first book - and when she woke up, went to her computer and wrote it. The story developed from there. She had never written before and just went for it... obviously it paid off for her. Knowing that, when I woke up thinking so intently about this vision for a story (a novel) - I avoided conversation once I got out of bed, cleared my head a little to see what was foggy and what was still in my brain and went straight for my laptop - I typed feverishly as ideas flowed and more plot twists emerged. I focused on the most vivid part of my dream and just branched off from there - loving every second. Characters started to come out on the keys and the dynamic characters - I can tell already - will be hovering over my thoughts until they are developed on the page. I think the thing I like the most about this story is that there is a very strong female presence throughout the story - it wasn't even intentional, but as I went back to read over what I had written and the outline for the basic storyline, it was what transpired naturally. It just makes me happy to get into the writing spirit once and for all - ideas have been coming over me for the past couple of months - three different ones that are very strong still, but that hadn't flowed, they will - but this one I think will have to take the front seat for right now. Whatever the story, I'm just happy to have my creative flow here for the first time in a long time and finally feel like I am putting a little of my college education (and student loans) to good use. Stay tuned... :)

What a difference a year makes...

I just opened up my blog for the first time in almost a year - I can't believe it, but it's true... January 2010! So much has happened and reading what I said at that point in time from that perspective is absolutely continuing bigger and better today - for so many different reasons. First and foremost, I have taken the healthy living to the next level. I went from trying to eat a little healthier to, on mother's day, joining weight watchers. That was life changing for me. It's been 8 months and I have not only developed friendships with my Sunday morning meeting crew, but a group of people who offer encouragement, support for the stumbles, and understanding of the issue that has nothing to do with small cravings here and there. I have also tried to kick up the walking to more of a run/walk and completed my first 5K (walking some also) but I did it with my husband - who has been super supportive of my WW ventures as well. Since November of '08 I've lost about 52 lbs and I feel such a difference. My options are more open and for the first time in a long time I actually enjoy shopping and can feel more comfortable in my own skin - if that makes sense.

The last time I wrote in my blog I wrote about too many people dying young around me due to unhealthy lifestyles and life choices and in June of 2009, another one bit the dust. This time, much closer to home than I could have imagined. My father. I have known for quite some time that he wasn't taking care of himself - breathing and heart problems for years now but nothing really changed behind the problems. The eating stayed the same however now he was stagnant so virtually no physical activity at all. The smoking continued - in fact apparently he was smoking on the porch when the rescue squad came for him following his call - which would be his last as he lost consciousness on the way to the hospital and it was never regained after a week in the hospital on machines. It was surreal looking through pictures that were sent to us by his sister from when he was younger - looking through pictures when he was married to my mother and then to my stepmother (who was coincidentally one of the ones I was speaking of in my March '09 blog regarding dying young). He was so healthy, active, vibrant - and life snowballs sometimes. There is a picture of him holding me when I was about 1 year old - I had never seen this picture nor have I ever seen a picture of myself with my father when I was a baby and I couldn't help but get frustrated that I couldn't ask him anything about any of that - that time in my life, his life. I'm getting ready to turn 34 in a couple of weeks and all I can think of is how I'm trying to change my lifestyle and focus so that I can set a good example for my son and be here for him as he gets older - I try to remind him every chance I get that I am doing WW b/c I want to be healthy... I don't want him to think I'm dieting or depriving - this is a very conscious decision to change my life and this past year has been a great start.