Virgin in the City

Okay - so maybe I'm channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw a little too much on the title - maybe I should say "Virgin TO the City."  I recently went to the Big Apple for the first time after years of talking about it and planning and cancelling - my husband and I finally made it happen.  Here are the top 5 things (in no particular order) I learned about myself and NYC during this maiden voyage...


1 ~ Taking the train in and out of the city has to be the easiest way of travel.  Although NYC has never been my final destination of travel, I have flown in and out of the three major airports that share air space (Newark, Laguardia, and JFK) on numerous occasions and they never seem to be easy in and out.  The train has power outlets (sometimes up to 4 per seat) and free Wifi on board.  Not to mention the dining car and several bathrooms per car.  The dining car is limited and pricey, but it's an option and the bathrooms are not huge but bigger than an airplane's with less turbulence :)  Driving into the city yourself seems to be the least appealing in regard to parking, traffic, and time.

Me w/ my new Broadway crush -
Newsies star, Corey Cott 

2 ~ I think New Yorkers get a bit of a bad wrap for being rude.  It wasn't the folks in the stores, restaurants, or in the train stations that annoyed me - it was my fellow tourists!  Having gone to college in a city (certainly a fraction of the size of NYC) and traveled to DC often enough, I come prepared with a firm gate when in a crowd. I don't walk into people, but I also don't just move to the side excusing myself in city foot traffic.  My fellow tourists seemed to not only have no sense of urgency when it came to moving out of the way when they stopped to look at maps or take pictures but took up the whole sidewalk when traveling in packs.  Folks would literally nudge me out of the way if they were trying to take a picture in front of something and I stubbornly did not budge unless someone said 'excuse me' to me.  Just a personal pet peeve of mine (but I digress).  When we saw the Broadway production, "Newsies" (amazing BTDubs), the entire cast came out to sign playbills - they couldn't have been nicer stopping to answer questions and take pictures even though they had to have been exhausted!

3 ~ Do your research on the segmented parts of the city for site seeing to save time and money.  We purposefully picked a hotel that was within walking distance from several of our desired site seeing points. We were within blocks of the train station, the theater district, Times Square, Central Park, Rockefeller Center, St. Patrick's Cathedral, The Empire State Building, 5th Avenue shopping... I'm sure there were lots of other things that we didn't look into - but these were some of our biggies.  It not only saved us money by not having to take a cab, but it also helped us see things we didn't intend to see while traveling on foot.  The only time we had to take a cab was the 9/11 Memorial as it was several miles away.  We knew ahead of time this was the case but it was a must see for us.  Taking the cab that one time made us grateful for our walking plans $$.

Enjoying a cocktail at "The OUT NYC"

4 ~ In the same light - do your research on what's important to you in a hotel.  I know some folks can travel and don't care about the hotel as long as they have a place to sleep - not me.  This was a biggie that I felt the most strongly toward.  I wanted to find a place that was reasonable, close to destinations, clean, and had good reviews from other travelers. There were lots of hotels that were some of my requirements but not all. I found a hotel that was relatively new and still trying to build it's clientele Midtown West (bordering on Hell's Kitchen).  The OUT NYC was where we landed and upon check in realized it was a "straight friendly" resort.  Meaning, it welcomed straight families but was a hub for the gay community in luxury travel.  It made me love it even more, but I understand it wouldn't have been that way for everyone.  Sidenote - everyone on staff was gorgeous!!  Never did we feel out of place or frowned upon; only welcomed in the hotel and bar therein.

9/11 Memorial Fountains - North Pool

5 ~ Try to experience things you couldn't at home.  We made an exception to this with Starbucks tea and lunch the first day.  Fresh off of the train and getting turned around toward our hotel - we had to pick the first restaurant we recognized (which was a chain).  Other than that - when we passed the Shake Shack, or Crumble Bakery, or a pizza stand - we stopped.  I would say our favorite restaurant was a toss up between the most amazing burgers at Joe's Bar (near the 9/11 memorial) and Chez Josephine in the Theater District. Chez Josephine is owned by Jean-Claude Baker who was adopted by Josephine Baker as a young teen in Paris (who incidentally greeted us and walked us to the door upon leaving).  The food and atmosphere were perfect from the memorabilia of Ms. Baker to the piano player to the Broadway veteran seated beside us!

This was just our experience and a three day experience at that, but it may help when planning a trip to the city if you've never been.  I hope to go back with my son next...

Loved this - outside of St. Patrick's Cathedral
which was one of my favorite spots

Bank Accounts

I have come to the conclusion that I will never be wealthy.  I have given this a lot of thought and I think that I am very similar to my mother in this regard (and many others).  When I was younger, I used to think that my mom didn't have extra money because she was a single mom for so long.  Then I got a little older and thought she didn't have a lot of extra money because she wasn't great with money.  Now at this point in my life, I see it a little differently.  My mother doesn't have a lot of extra money because that isn't important to her.  She works very hard and always has - at different stages in her work life her salary has fluctuated but a large bank account never was and never will be priority for her.  Financial security is a great thing but when she has extra money, nothing makes her happier than giving to those around her.  It's not about amazing vacations, new houses or luxury cars for my mother; it's about being THAT person in people's lives that they can lean on in times of need.  I recently purchased one of Maya Angelou's newest books, "Letter to my Daughter," in which she gives her open and honest life advice to a metaphorical daughter symbolic of her reading public. A passage struck me and reminded me deeply of my mother (and inspired this post).  This passage is from the chapter entitled, "Philanthropy:"

"There are those who would like to see themselves as philanthropists.  Philanthropists often are represented by committees and delegations.  They are disconnected from recipients of their generosity.  I am not a member of that gathering.  Rather I like to think of myself as charitable.  The charitable say in effect, 'I seem to have more than I need and you seem to have less than you need.  I would like to share my excess with you.'  Fine, if my excess is tangible, money or goods, fine if not, for I learned that to be charitable with gestures and words can bring enormous joy and repair injured feelings."

This loops me back to the extra cash flow and why my mother and I will never have it by the piles.  We don't let people take advantage of us financially (okay - maybe we've both gotten suckered by generosity toward a few wolves in sheep's clothing) but when we are able to be 'charitable' and really give of ourselves; heart, time, house... we are never happier.  She is shrewd about bartering, the self proclaimed barter queen or queen of the beggars  when someone has something that she can parlay into a helping hand toward a charity or group she is helping.  Her sister, my Tia, exerts a groan every time my mother asks her for something.  Not because she doesn't want to do for her sister but because she knows 100% of the time she is asking for someone else.  "Do you have extra furniture you aren't using" for that young couple she knows who just got married and can't afford furniture.  "Can you knit me a new blanket" for a expectant mother who might not be able to afford a blanket.  My favorite is when anyone is at her house that she feels like doesn't have a lot of groceries, she will take a grocery bag around her fridge, freezer, cabinets, and pantry and load up the bags because "She has been meaning to clean out her food - can you use any of it?  I'd hate to have to throw it out."  My mother spent a big chunk of her life being the recipient of charity that was sometimes given in the same way she is giving it now and sometimes given with big strings and shame attached.  Mom passed on to me and my sisters to never insult someone by making them feel less than you when you giving to them; either do for them or don't - don't hold it over them.  Money is a means to necessity for her, not a sign of importance or character.  Never base your worth on income or material things she would instill - as much as I've fought this line of thinking over the years, I'm now right there with her.  Much like my mom, we've had a fluctuating income in our home but one thing has sustained - materialistically there will always be something bigger and better that we "need."  What my mother and Ms. Angelou have made me understand is that the only thing to keep you consistently fulfilled is focusing on a different bank account through actions as well as behaviors.  

My mother often refers to her "emotional bank account."  This is where the accountant in her is revealed.  She is very aware of those folks in her life (friends and family) that make more withdrawals than deposits.  We often disagree about her expectations of others around her.  Even though I don't always agree - I get it.    My mother does not believe that these two columns should be even - she believes you should give more than you get.  She would be insulted if someone tried to buy her things (believe me - I've tried) - instead she wants those emotional deposits in return - even that she gets uncomfortable with if you have done her too many favors without giving her the opportunity to make you a meal or give you a haircut.  

I can't always make those deposits, but hopefully this passage will give me a little bit of a nest egg in her emotional bank account.  Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  I love you and thanks for teaching me to be the change I'd like to see in the world ~ xoxo

One Size Does NOT Fit All...

Okay - this entry isn't what you may expect.  It's about friendship.  Friends are like shoes (stay with me)... one style doesn't fit with every outfit.  When I go shopping for shoes (dress, athletic, casual), I tend to see what is the most universal.  The tennis shoes have to match everything and the dress shoes have to be black, navy, or brown.  What I've come to realize within the past couple of years is that I have my black casual shoes - it's okay to buy a pair that I may wear just once in a while.  Recently, I've had the same revelation about friendships.


When I was younger (even a few years ago), I didn't think I had a real friendship if a friend didn't fit that 'everything' mold.  If I couldn't tell them everything or if they didn't share the same opinions as me, it must be a bust.  I heard of other people's friendships and couldn't wrap my brain around these lasting friendships that I just didn't seem to have.  I recently saw the light (cue harp music and a spotlight on me from the heavens!) regarding adult friendships.

A good friend isn't someone who is your everything - they shouldn't be and it's unrealistic to expect it.  You can have your core friends (your comfy browns, navys, and black slip ons) but you can also have your friends that are on the perimeter for fun (your pink paisley wedges).  My favorites are the ones that you come across every once in a while and forget that you had them until you see them and realize how great they make you feel (your boots from college you can't seem to part with) - and they'll never be out of your rotation. Most of us even have those friends that we look back and claim temporary insanity (those would be the platform tennis shoes that light up!).  Some of my friends I can talk about elementary-high school, some to discuss books, some college, some old co-workers, some couple friends, some 'mom' friends, some PTA friends, some WW friends - each of them were brought into my life for different reasons (some small reasons and some life changing reasons) but all to teach something more about myself.


I'm very fortunate to have a closet full ... I mean a heart full of friends.  Although some of my friends have come out of the closet - but I digress.  Once I opened myself up to not putting my expectations at the unrealistic level, I realized I am surrounded by some great friends who are pretty amazing in their respective strengths.