Baggage

My mom and 2 sisters... with whom I share a POD filled with baggage!

We've all got baggage. Whether it be from skeletons in the closet or relationships; one way or another we've all got it. I find myself dissecting other people's baggage a lot lately and I can't help but think of my own. Upon my recent "dissection" I've come to realize that you can't move on in a relationship - any relationship - and just have a regular relationship without acknowledging the old baggage. A lot of the scenarios around me have been mother/daughter relationships but obviously it can be father/son (those that explore feelings), husband/wife, sister/sister... whomever. The tricky part to acknowledging old baggage is that sometimes you have to shrug your shoulders and realize that the other person is not going to validate the feelings you're exploring. While you are digging deeper and deeper within yourself to assure the stop of spreading like behaviors, you may realize the other half of said relationship doesn't agree with your assessment of how things have "gone down." This part really stinks - I've witnessed it in others and experienced it myself and I've gotten to the point where I literally shrug my shoulders and smile and understand that it's not going to change and there's nothing I can do about it. There is zero that I can do to change anyone else's behavior. I can only control how I handle their actions or words. It makes me come across as uncaring sometimes, but on the contrary if I let myself react the way my insides want to react, nothing good would come of it. To let my feelings out, I just vent to my husband (who is a great listener) and move on. If the issue is with my husband - that's a different topic altogether! The problem is that pesky baggage... when a smaller problem comes up with the same person, it becomes worse and worse over smaller and smaller things. They can call and you get annoyed when they leave a voicemail in a certain tone of voice or make the slightest gesture and it makes your blood boil.
The interesting thing to me is that there is always a flip side to the baggage. The other person either has their own baggage which has contributed to their actions or just a completely different perception of their actions. Usually getting to the bottom (or even little glimpses) of other's baggage, we come to a great respect for why they do the things they do. It's amazing the way things kind of fall into place when you are thinking of why someone is the way that they are... Aha!
My cousin gave all of the women in my family the movie "The Joy Luck Club" a few years ago for Christmas. This movie basically shows the progression of trickled down baggage from one generation to the next and how it shaped who these women became. To clarify - by baggage I mean things that people carry around with them - be it a certain childhood or a previous relationship (romantic or otherwise) - they carry it with them and it makes us who we are. Either we've overcome some baggage and we're stronger or it's in the back of our minds and it cripples us in ways. There are a couple of analogies (both happen to be travel related) that Chip and I use often when it comes to relationships. #1 - you have to secure your own oxygen mask before you help someone else (IE - you have to be okay with your own issues before you can be a positive entity in a relationship) #2 - if your arms are filled with your own suitcases at baggage claim, don't offer to help someone else get their bag off of the belt (IE - how in the world can you fit anyone else's "baggage" into your life if you are up to your eyebrows with issues of your own?) - know your limitations sometimes emotionally to have emotional room for what's important.
Old baggage isn't anything that people really think about often until they are ready to throw the phone across the room when they don't like how someone ended the conversation. That's not the kind of thing that bothers you unless you have old "stuff." You have to care about the person because people you don't care about don't make you angry - for long anyway. You can get angry because someone cut you off on the road or took your parking space or said something ridiculous in front of you; but lingering anger comes from caring.
My advice - try to resolve old issues before they eat away at you. Don't let the other person's actions effect your progress. If they refuse to acknowledge or validate your feelings - come to acceptance of who they are on your own.... I know it's much easier said than done. But in the end, it's your own blood pressure that is going to pay the price if you don't...

Memorial Day

The true meaning of Memorial Day is something that obviously resonates especially right now. That's a tall order to teach my six year old. I do know that soldiers scare him because he associates them with dying and war - no matter how much shelter you try to provide from reality of the state of affairs, you can't protect them from every song that seeps through or every newspaper clipping now that he's reading. What I try to do is point out all of the soldiers in our life (friends and family) that have fought for our country and are still her to talk about it. I found out I was pregnant with him on Sept. 7 2001, so he has never lived in a non-war America. I want him to understand what the military is about and what America is [at the core] really about. He's starting to get it and I try at every turn to help him understand that soldiers fight for our freedom and make sure that America is safe and protected. He has begun to recite the pledge whenever he sees a flag and puts his hand over his heart - and I love it! I'm going to insert a clip of him saying the pledge when he came across his new flag I bought him -sorry that you have to tilt your head to enjoy! It's very moving and I want him to never forget what Memorial Day (and July 4th and Veteran's Day for that matter) is [are] supposed to be about. I want him to focus on the way Americans should get a lump in their stomach when they hear of a family losing their home in a fire or natural disaster, even if it's thousands of miles across the country. Or the way tears should flow when they hear of an abduction or a mother losing her child in gang violence. Or the heart sick feeling one should feel when they hear of a child having to hug their parent for the last time for deployment in times of war for God knows how long. That is America and the other "stuff" that I wish was different - too many to name - are not the focus of the day which celebrates those who died fighting for a country of which they were proud enough to defend.

As I descend from my soapbox - I salute the troops, still fighting or in memorium, and say Thank You from the very bottom of a full heart and tears welling.

Spring has Sprung... Just in time for Summer!

I know I'm behind and most people got into Spring back in the end of March, but the past week has really been the start for us. Maybe it was the rain; maybe it was delaying the inevitable full blown weeding; maybe it was the fact that we knew this year we had to say 'uncle' and finally pay to have a professional do some things we weren't doing successfully... who knows but it's in a good place as of today. We've had the mulching, the edging, the digging, the pulling, the planting, the cultivating, the watering, the weed-killer, the transplanting, the raking - not to mention the regular mowing and weed-eating. Sometimes it's relaxing - mainly the planting and the weeding (no I'm not crazy) - especially first thing in the morning before it gets hot and when Parker's at school - the air is crisp and the birds are chirping... very good time just to be with my thoughts. The yard, some new chairs, a new outdoor light fixture (actually I've changed it out three times so far since I decided to replace it a few weeks ago) and getting rid of a bunch of crud at a yard sale this weekend should all conspire to make it a very beautiful end of Spring for us. They also are great reasons for me to continue to procrastinate writing and submitting! I can't believe it's halfway through May and I have not submitting anything since I submitted to Red Cygnet at the end of December... I definitely needed a break but it's about that time. I just bought a new laptop (to help boost the economy :) for writing in changes of location but haven't taken advantage. I even got an optical wireless mouse from my boys as an early mother's day gift since I don't really like that pad at the bottom of a laptop that's supposed to be a mouse.
I'm hoping since Parker and I have planted a little veggie garden, I'll find inspiration while nurturing the tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash! Here's to making my tan thumb a little green...

Last Gush... I promise!

This is the last gush I'll make about the Middle Place - but I just wanted to insert this clip of the author reading an excerpt from the part of the book where her [future] husband meets her father for the first time and the comic emotion people can relate to - the last minute cramming about the family and the secret hope that everyone will mesh. Enjoy!

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRQpmSVV9SA&eurl=http://www.kellycorrigan.com/blog/

See if this works a little easier for folks because there have been some problems with opening the video previously inserted...

In Awe...

Cover of the Middle Place

There are a couple kinds of people that blow me away... one is when people are amazing yet humble and the other is average people who become great (although a part of them was always great undercover). My point is that I'm not easily in awe. The day before yesterday, I opened my blog and was speechless. There was a comment with my last post that I assumed was a fellow blogger or my friend who loves to give me an encouraging word on my blog every now and then. When I put on my last post that I read a new book which I enjoyed and gave kudos, I had no idea the author of the book (Kelly Corrigan) would be reading said post and commenting subsequently. I was so taken aback because not only does she stay very busy with a family and writing career of her own, but in addition has speaking engagements and fans out the wazoo to correspond with daily. I'm deeply touched that she took the time to comment and was only regretful that it was one of those times that I just wrote and wrote but didn't really proof - I thought 'I can't believe the sentence structure and wording that she's seeing... not to mention the fact that I really didn't recap fully what the essence of the book was because I didn't want to give anything away to anyone who may want to read it...' my own insecurities but I wish I had taken a little more time before posting if I thought about anyone but own group reading it! Needless to say I have told anyone that I have referred the book to that there was a surprise comment on my latest blog post and it just endears them even more so to The Middle Place (cover pictured above). Anyone who reads it... I would love to chat about it if you'd like. It really resonated within me on so many levels.


I'm in the process of applying to be on the Governor's board of visitors to VCU... (Governor Tim Kaine) - keep your fingers crossed on that one. I just feel so passionate about VCU and hopefully it will be reflected in my application. I definitely realized how "undecorated" I am until I filled out the application - asking what appointments I've received in the past; which merit awards and/or scholarships I've received previously; which degrees or honorary degrees I possess... I've got a BA in English which I am extremely proud of, but an honorary PhD I'm not! Hopefully passion will supersede awards and honorary degrees! My mom, who is contemplating applying for the very same appointment, has definitely instilled a drive in me that can challenge those blank spots on the app... we'll see how it goes down :)

New Beginnings

It's been a while since I've blogged, but definitely not for lack of material. My son and I went to New York to celebrate my parents anniversary and stayed with my grandparents. Parker has been a couple of times before but didn't remember - it was so great. I felt like a little girl but trying to still carry out my "momly" responsibilities. He was so comfortable from the very beginning and would follow my grandmother around the house - which I loved. The trip was relaxing and I always have fun just being able to do fun things with Parks that we don't normally get to do.

I'm also working with some folks at VCU to continue with the sale of the book but maybe in a different direction. Not sure how that works as there have been lots of shifts around. Getting back into town and back of the swing of things has taken all week! I couldn't believe it took that long, but between the house, activities at school, t-ball, and meetings... it's already Saturday!


I'm hoping to work a book fair at the end of May and it may be the swan song for promotions (for right now anyway). I've been able to do so many great things with the book and promoting has been great - but I think it's time (unless of course I get special requests). I'm absolutely ready for some new beginnings in the literary world. Speaking of literary... I just read a great book recommended to me by a friend called "The Middle Place," by Kelly Corrigan (Sp?). It's autobiographical and her story about a father-daughter survival story. She battled breast cancer and her father (and his family) had a history of prostate cancer - the story really revolves around her being someones daughter while balancing the childhood of her own children and the fact that they needed her. It was touching and entertaining and I could really relate to so much of it. 2 thumbs up!


Who knows what the next month has in store... stay tuned!

April Fools!

Well, I finally heard from Red Cygnet and they are shifting some things around in their '09 catalog and they are going in a different direction. The good news is (which is actually how they posed it to me) that my submission was among the top ten that were under consideration before the re shifting. There were 90 submissions - so I have to keep the positive in perspective with the disappointment. I was very grateful that the publisher took the time to write me a personal note - that doesn't happen very often (extremely rare). He did say that they will keep in touch, because they did really like my submission, for future catalogs (the catalog is how they sell their books to distributors - like any books they publish in Fall of '09 is their Fall '09 Catalog - seems simplistic, but you never know who's familiar). Hopefully "The Panacake Dance" will happen at some point. There was a great illustrating team with it as well - fellow SCBWI member (one of their illustrations below). The most disappointing aspect is that there have been two different projects that have been really promising with a great illustrator (renowned) on board and it just didn't come to fruition. Anyone who has submitted in this industry knows that it is so super hard to break through, but when you get so close I think it's the hardest.

Illustration by Livia Coloji

Back to fun stuff ~ April Fools! I would've loved for my message last night to have been a prank from the fun loving publisher, but it was a couple of hours too early pacific coast time! I played a few pranks this morning - switched out my husband's contact case for one with just solution, switched my ipod for his (to which he's addicted) and gave my son water instead of the allergy medicine (which is clear) that he was wincing to take. It was pretty fun - I also emptied my hubby's underwear drawer by hiding every pair... my son enjoyed some green milk with his cereal ... hopefully he'll enjoy his lemon wedge mixed in with his orange slices I put in his lunch :)! That'll teach them to fall asleep before me...Have a great April Fools everyone!