Hoopstown, USA

I've written before (about 4 years ago as a matter of fact) about my pride for VCU basketball. I grew up on it on a much smaller scale. It wasn't a popular school - just a school in the city with really no campus - especially to those of us who grew up in Richmond, VA. When I chose to attend VCU, I realized quickly that there was a very pronounced and distinct campus which has only expanded more since my graduation in 1999. When I approached the VCU Sports Center about writing

a children's book commemorating the greatness of VCU and it's basketball team, I did run into some slight hesitation. To me it was a no brainer - the team was on an upswing, enrollment was at an all time high and the Siegel Center was a new center of pride for the Rams. The release of Rodney Ram Teaches Teamwork (2 years later) was such an accomplishment for me on so many levels. My love for Rams basketball has only grown over the past 4 years since the book's release. I thought it was at its peak when VCU beat Duke in the 2007 NCAA tournament - but that was nothing compared to what the whole city of Richmond feels right now. For the first time in VCU history, the Rams have made it to the sweet 16 of the NCAA tourney. Two things have totally become the icing on the cake - first, that U of R is also in the sweet 16 (collosal for Richmonders) and secondly that most sportscasters across the country didn't think we belonged in this tournament. We beat the first team just to get into the big dance - we were on the bubble and a part of the "extra games" just to make it to the starting line with everyone else. Down went USC, down went Georgetown, down went Purdue... Seminoles next? These haven't even been close games - 10-20 point games and I've loved every second of it! I bought my son a "We Are VCU" shirt during the CAA tournament this year and I'm so glad I did - he has just as much pride in the Rams as I do!

Here in Richmond, the Richmond Spiders and the VCU Rams have an annual match-up called the Black and Blue Classic... it's never been a tremendously popular game but I think this tournament is changing that forever. We are hoping for a Black and Blue Classic on a national scale in San Antonio this weekend in the Elite Eight...

Signing off from Hoopstown, USA - AKA Richmond, Virginia!

Serendipity: Fact or Myth... or cute RomCom with John Cusack

I've been thinking a lot lately about how things happen for a reason - I'm convinced now more than ever. Some occurances are a little more private and don't need to be blogged about but for those that can be shared... here it goes. Last week, a midwestern teen died instantly on the basketball court after making the game winning shot against a rival team. One minute he was posing for pictures with teammates and being hoisted in the air by fans - and in the next instant he's collapsed on the court. He suffered cardiac arrest as a result of an enlarged heart. This made me instantly think about my uncle who died several years back (in his late 50's) on the dance floor with my aunt. He had his favorite cocktail in one hand and twirled his wife with the other - seconds later collapsed from cardiac arrest as well.
I don't want it to be lost on me that both of these deaths, while extremely heartbreaking and tragic, happened doing what they both loved doing. I know not everyone is so lucky but if we focus on the clouds, we will most definitely miss the silver lining.
Don't get me wrong, I can absolutely focus on the darkness as much as the next guy - but this is what I'm trying to shift. I suffered a mini-stroke back in the Fall and my cloud is that I am going to need to be aware of my internal workings for the rest of my life but my silver is that it wasn't a full blown stroke and my dependence on others is temporary - I'm also able to hug my son with the use of both arms - not everyone can say the same.
Hopefully this won't drag down those reading this but rather lift you to a different way of looking at situations... as opportunities and not always coincidence.

And the award for worst mom goes to...

Okay - so I have always been that mushy gushy overly cutesy holiday loving gal who everyone wants to hide from... you guessed it - holiday clothing, jewelry, decorations (for most holidays throughout the year)... I'm a sucker for it!! For St. V Day - I've loved the heart shaped sandwiches, balloons, cupcakes, heart shaped rice krispie treats, ziploc bags that are pink and red, fun lover sayings on shirts for my son (kid friendly :)... you get the idea. Well a couple of years ago, I finally accepted the fact that I have a son who would rather poke out his own eye than wear that to school or do anything cutesy for Valentine's Day...my lovey dovey pipe dream would come to an end. It has slowly dwindled to a nice dinner out with both of my boys and that would be that - I've accepted it - I decorate around our house because a nice love-filled surrounding is a pick me up. This year especially would get kind of swept under the rug as it's a school night AND both my son and husband have basketball practice for the majority of the evening.

Here's where the worst mom award comes into play... I went to have lunch with my boy at his school as a Valentine's surprise. Not only was there nary a pink, purple, or red cloth or jewel adorning my person but I also didn't cut any one's sandwich into a heart or have heart shaped snack cakes for dessert! I'm trying to blend in to appease him and he turns to me and says, "Mom, are you going to have my Valentine's treat for me when I get home?" I looked at him, trying to hide my sheer panic and said, "Maybe," He smiled a huge gratified smile and said, "Yea! Maybe means YES!" I kind of smiled on the outside but on the inside was panic stricken - 'Crap - I have nothing for him for Valentine's Day!!' I have since left his school - stopped by a store and bought a couple of things to make the afternoon and evening a little better. My only plan was to go for a nice walk since it's a beautiful day here in good ole Richmond, VA...

My take away lesson in all of this is that I should go with my natural instinct - next year he's getting me coming to school with a homemade jewel encrusted crown... who knows, I do have a whole year to plan after all :)

Embracing the Gray...

I was raised in a very black and white household. Predominantly disciplined by the wife (my grandmother) and daughter (my mother) of a career US Army officer. Things didn't have to make sense to me - I just needed to comply. As a child, I thought this was extremely unfair and incomprehensible. I knew I would never make things as concrete and inflexible when I was a mom... hmmm (more on that momentarily).

As an adult (and mother) I realize it was out of necessity that my mother and grandmother kept things so tight and 'black and white.' As a single mother of three, this strict style of rule making and 'you don't have to understand' attitude toward parenting was all she knew and she did the best she could. It was out of necessity that we didn't see the vulnerable and open to negotiation side that she revealed only to her mother/confidant. It was out of necessity that to reveal her human side would be to make herself appear weak and less powerful. I get it now - I understand this line of thinking and I also can sympathize with the fact that parenting is way more difficult than I had ever imagined - if you care enough to try and do it right.

As I've mentioned in previous blogs, my son is my one and only. After some unsuccessful attempts and some 'almosts' - he may remain our one and only. That being said, there are some things that we have to teach him that other children learn organically with siblings. Things like sharing, losing, waiting, humility, compassion, empathy... I'm not under the illusion that everyone who has siblings is an automatic pro at any of the aforementioned lessons. I'm just saying it's a lot easier to remind your child to wait their turn b/c their sister needs you right now or they aren't always going to win b/c their brother is better at chess than him. I absolutely try my hardest to not be black and white but I know there are times where I can't let my son think he can argue and negotiate his way out of trouble. My point in this ramble is that all of the 'mistakes' I thought my mom was making were really trial and error - which most parenting is. As we got older, there was a little more gray (which my sisters argue was only there because I was the youngest and the most spoiled). As my relationship with my mom has grown into a friendship, I've been able to see more and more gray areas in her approach. The strictness and ways of thinking are generally the same, but she acknowledges when she has areas for improvement or an area that is far more gray than originally thought.

I do embrace the gray at this stage in the game. Not only as a mom, but as a wife and friend. I may not agree with differing opinions or like when my world is rattled - but I respect that it is life and it's what enriches relationships. The key to embracing the gray is listening with open ears, an open mind, and an open heart.

Road Bump

So... for as far back as I can remember, I've gotten light-headed super easily. When I was little, I just thought I was a fainter. When I was an early teen, I thought it was puberty kicking in. When I started cheering, I thought it was because I just wasn't in shape and didn't push myself enough. The out of shape feeling continued into my twenties and then when I was pregnant I assumed it was part of the package. Well, at the end of summer I had a pretty scary episode where I thought I fainted and it was just my son and I... not a happy summer memory. I went on with my everyday life after consulting my PCP and just took it as a light-headed moment. When all of this came to a head was mid-November. Long story short... I had a life changing moment which lead to test after test which lead to answers. I have a PFO (hole in the heart) which isn't at all uncommon - just uncommon for it to still be open in an adult. Me and Bret Michaels... two peas in a PFO pod! The passing out wasn't passing out - it turned out to be mini-strokes. I hope not to have another episode and try not to think about what could happen because I would truly drive myself absolutely insane!
The silver lining in all of this is that it makes me focus on what's important. Nice walks by our creek, listening to people - not just hearing, playing with Parker (the games I can actually understand :). I know it sounds hokey, but it's the truth.... I want to be here and completely present for my son and husband and not get caught up in the things that suck up energy... toxins as I call them. Toxins lurk around every corner - sometimes they have a pretty disguise and sometimes they put their intentions right out there. Either way, I'm focusing on a healthy life - certainly not perfect by any means but atleast healthy. More on the healthy changes soon - hopefully not several months later!

Back to School...

Every year about this time I have rejuvenated energy toward writing (uninterrupted) while my son is in school. I start with my list of ideas and searching through the newest trade secret book of what publishers are looking for what... this year I'm struggling! I have been extremely inspired by books I've read over the summer and writers I follow but I'm a little defeated at this point - I think I have the opposite of writer's block - I've got writer's flood! Sooner or later I will inevitably sit down at my computer and pound out some words - hopefully inspiring to someone along the way - and all will be right with the world - until then - I'll settle on a paragraph in my blog every once in a blue moon - ugghh!!

Words...

I know I've written about this before - if not in the blogging platform, for an essay for sure... the view from this podium is familiar. I get very passionate on the topic of (and power of) words and yesterday the spark was ignited within me when I spoke with a group of young students (middle and high school age) on the subject. This mini-workshop within a 6 week multicultural camp was creative writing - topic: All About Me - it was supposed to be presented to the group but I decided (in sizing up my 'audience' upon introduction) to make it more of a journal type entry where they didn't worry about grammar or context or sentence structure or (most importantly) revealing a side of themselves they didn't feel comfortable revealing. At first, the young men and women had little to no interest in the idea of writing - the empty enormity of the white paper in front of them was daunting and intimidating. Before writing on their own, I started with my chat on words and the power of writing - I asked for them to throw out any writers they knew - summer reading lists in full bloom! I began to compile my list on an overhead screen including Nicholas Sparks, Dr. Suess, Emily Bronte, JK Rowling, Mark Twain - I threw my own name on the list and atleast half didn't recognize the name even though I was presenting(ouch!). I then continued their list when they became silent - Michael Jackson, Kanye West, Eminem, Paul McCartney, Taylor Swift, Jay-Z... I wanted to let them know writing comes out in all sorts of genres. I began to read off lyrics from several top 40 songs and we discussed what they meant - because of the difference in ages, it was difficult to really get too deep in discussion, but it was just a little taste for what I love to discuss... the meaning of the written word.
Although only a few of the students were familiar with a lot of Eminem's work - they were familiar with Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney (moreso the Beatles on the whole) and Taylor Swift. The passion behind what these songwriters have written (b/c of either feelings in their personal life experiences or their stance on political and world issues) is palpable. The anger, the frustration, the hope, the struggle... I referred back to a song I did pick apart in college - Boys 2 Men's 'Thank You' - they were actually familiar with it, surprisingly enough, and enjoyed talking about the possibilities of who the writers may have been 'thanking.'
My main purpose was to get them thinking about words - reading isn't always fun or easy - for those of us slow readers, it becomes quite a task and loses some pleasure - definitely if it's a book you HAVE to read! But if you think about what a writer (song, story, poem, movie...) might have been trying to express, it can make it a little more fun for a teenage (reluctant) reader. I did tell them that hopefully they have the kind of english teacher who encourages them to find their own meaning in stories or poems - I felt like a little bit of a trader to teachers since my bills are paid by a teacher... was that wrong!? I did get feedback from a mom of one of the boys that he did really enjoy the workshop even though he doesn't like to write... which was a welcome surprise after another boy took out a snack and started to walk around the classroom during our chat.
I am going back next week and the topic will be 'Cultural Pride.' Should be pretty cool and interesting - oooohh, what a great opportunity for my 'words are powerful' speech - too much?